Sunday, November 12, 2006


The beard theorem

The Beard Theorem is a political theorem that relates to the Communist Party and its members. The Beard Theorem is a theory that suggests that the size of one's Beard, whether it be a puff, French Fork or Mutton Chop, has a direct correlation to the radicality of a person's Socialist views. If one was to have a large, beard, that person has a higher chance of being a communist revolutionary than one other person who has only as moustache, or worse: no facial hair at all. This theorem is proved by many of the communist Russian revolutionaries of the 1900's, those like Karl Marx, who has a massive, beard and, in accordance to the theorem, is a great communist. V.I. Lenin, the leader of the Russian Revolution, had a beard, yet it was not as profound, thus he is not as truly communist as Marx or Engels, as he has a relatively small beard, but it is still present and is truth of his communisity. Josef Stalin, the leader of the Communist Vanguard Party in Russia from the mid 1920's to 1952, has no beard, yet has a moustache. Stalin, in accordance to the theorem thus has very little Communist Blood in him, as he is a Stalinist, and a social fascist. Exceptions to the rule is most East Asian Communist leaders.

This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "The beard theorum". Link may die if entry is finally removed or merged.

Interesting and quite true. I find that a person with a larger beard generally tends to be more hippie-like, or rather embracive of less capitalist type systems.
Of course radicals have beards, but I disagree that beard size correlates to extent of radicalism.

Now Santa Claus... talk about a hypocrite. He believes in equal distribution of private property equally, but exploits the elvish working class in order to do so!
It seems to make some sense... if you have a strong sense of humour.
Cool idea for a page, but why the word dump? What about report? :)
how on earth are they going to take care of the fleas and mites !
I've met some conservatives with big beards. I think they were conserving parts of past meals in their beards.
Good blog
Does your beard grow in accordance to how radical your views become over time? Because if so there might soon be a sharp increase in Socialist Radicalism among pubescent teenage boys........
mm what about those muslims whit long beards???

Why some guys just dont drop it and that´s it?
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You left out mentioning Che Guevara and Fidel Castro, among other Latin American Communists.

I am curious if East Asia displays an inverse-Beard law (c.f. Confucius and Zedong.)
good times, I like your posts. I am a big wikopedia fan. Your articles are pretty funny and plan on comming back.
In software development, you can usually tell how good a programmer is by the size of their beard. It's kind of like a guru-o-meter.
You know this whole thing does apply to women too. Yoy have to be fairly "radical" to be a lady with a beard.
i was very interested in the 12 comments to your blog, there was twelve apostles, and the christ had a beard, this adds to my theory that the christ was the first communist, as communism rises it will be christian, and the most popular ones will be women, of course their long hair is their hair, that is on their head, with or with out a headress.
how about santa? he's just marx in disguise
I'm a Communist with a beard. I think that the reason why we historicly have tended to wear beards is that many of the first Communists were Jewish. I know that this might shock some people, but the Jews were on the forefront of the various social democratic/Communist movements.Even Lenin was 1/4 Jewish, as he had a Jewish grandfather. I think that this was also a rejection of the bourgeois fashion standard of the time, which favored smooth shaving as being gentlemanly, for some reason. But for instance, during the Soviet-Afghan War, it was the Mujahedin, like the Taliban, who wore long beards, and the pro-soviet Communists who either shaved, and/or wore moustaches only.
None of that PROVES anything. There may be support for your theory about beards, but I doubt it.

I also doubt Marx still has a beard or is anything.
Further, communism and socialism and NOt the same thing.

And beards do not a communist or socialist make. What about mountain men? Living alone in the wilderness and killing animals as sole source of money.... DOesn't get much more anti-social or capitalistic than that.

This entry needs to be heavily edited or abandoned.
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